Poker Face 8:51 PM

I've been travelling a lot over the last three weeks, but wanted to quickly post something that I find entertaining. Everyone who knows me knows that I don't spend much time in the dance club, and thus I don't pay much attention to current pop hits, especially ones with annoying lyrics sung by hermaphrodites. Thus, I am not a big Lady Gaga fan, but I found a cover that I think is amazing. Check out Chris Daughtry's version where he completely does a "Chasing Amy" to this song.

This is awesome and shows why he should have won AI; although it may not be as awesome as Christopher Walken's version.

Night Night 8:17 PM

Is it sad that the only song I know to sing to my daughter to get her to bed is "Blue Shadows" as performed by Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms and Ned Nederlander? I learned all of my parenting skills from Lorne Michaels.

YouTube of the Week 7:41 PM

Here is my favorite new local commercial. All local commercials should be this honest.

YouTube of the Week 6:30 PM

Your next installment. This is by far one of my favorite videos I have ever seen; it is short, effective, slightly intimate, has a moment of suspense and a surprise ending. I could watch this over and over for days.

Bonne Fete A Toi!! 6:36 AM

There's a perk to hacking into someone else's blog... you can post embarrassing videos and photos of them without them knowing!!

And that is my mission today, this 11th day of October, otherwise known as

Mark's Birthday!!!

I've also discovered that using the desktop to hack into a blog would probably have been wiser given that ever since the wee one was born there are not a whole lot of pictures of just Mark, or us...usually just one of us with her. So, sadly, no embarrassing photos. Just embarrassing video (well not super embarrassing but a sight not a lot of people will ever see in their life!).

Happy Birthday Mark!!

Have a wonderful day.

We love you!

YouTube of the Week 6:30 PM

I thought I would try something new for the blog to keep it updated. So I now introduce a segment I call YouTube of the Week. I will post a random YouTube video that I find amusing every week (maybe more, maybe less). This is perfect for me because all I have to do is link to something someone else has already done. It is lazy, uncreative and sometimes good for a cheap laugh (just like you in the sack). Here is your first video:

From the Trailer to the Twins 9:40 PM

For those not watching the AL Central race right now, stop reading, draw yourself a warm bath, lay in it and slit your wrists, because I don't think we can be friends anymore. This is what September is all about; the Tigers up by two games with the Twins playing four of their last seven in Detroit before returning for three final games against the Royals (the last games ever in the Metrodome, aka the worst place in America to watch baseball.) This has all the makings to be a fantastic series and is the only real playoff race worth watching; until the Rockies drop a few more games and get chased by the Marlins or Braves.

This is a great time to be a sports fan in either Minnesota or Detroit. The Twins are in the hunt for the playoffs, the Vikings are playing great football with Purple Jesus and Farvaro (watch this vid from yesterday's game) and the Wild begin playing soon. For Detroit fans, the Tigers have a two game lead in the Central division, the Lions finally won a game, the Redwings start soon and UofM is showing signs of life. It's a good thing that sports are keeping people interested in something in these states otherwise people would be committing suicide in great numbers due to high unemployment, freezing temperatures around the corner and politicians like Al Franken representing them.

Quick side note, I spent two years in Detroit on an LDS mission and have never been to a more miserable place. There are months where you never see the sun during Winter, the constant gunshots, rampant unemployment, racism, liberal, dirty, uneducated politicians and terrible sports teams make for chronic depression. As terrible as the city sounds, I came to love the rotting architecture and the general gloominess of the city. Driving around last week made me remember how depressing the city is while looking back fondly at riding a bike home at night while trying not to get shot. There are two options for the soundtrack that plays in my head while in Detroit.

1st:

2nd:

(This video has awful language and by awful I mean three, four, five and six letter words and is brought to you by the letters F and N; yet somehow the singing is worse than the lyrics. This is an edited version, but you still get a pretty good idea of what they're saying. )

My allegiances have been tested since moving to Minnesota. I was always a Tigers fan, but have adopted the Twins now. Both teams could sure use a good playoff run and as long as someone beats the Yankees I'll be happy. So what's your opinion, do the Twinkies have a chance? Am I a chump for switching teams after so many years? Would you rather get cancer than spend a week in Detroit?

These Are The People In Your Neighborhood 8:19 PM

Welcome to my new favorite site for this week, www.peopleofwalmart.com. The site is dedicated to pictures of people taken at Walmart. It is disturbing, hard to believe and beautiful all at the same time (kind of like your mom). Below are a few of my favorites.

The site reminded me too much of this music video not to post it.

Naming the Blog 9:01 PM

I have to admit that choosing a name for this blog took about three weeks. I already had the first few posts ready to go before deciding on a name for this clever little blog. So why did I end up with a rather mundane name like "Confessions of a Caveman"? Because I'm not very creative or original.

I have to admit that picking a name was much harder than I thought it would be. I tried to pick something that conveyed who I am, what the blog's content would be and was catchy and easy to remember. I had lots of ideas, but most were lame and others were too crude to be linked to my Grandmother's Blog. So Instead of offending people everytime they come here I will just do it once below. Without further ado, rejected names for this blog, by category:

Nicknames I've had or wish I had.
Canadian Roughrider
Attila the Hungry
Attila the Hung
Fat Irish Prick
The Anal Analyst

Descriptors of the blog.
Mark's Madness
Mark's Manifesto
Mumblings of a Right Wing D-Bag
Poop and Penis Joke Compendium
Kate Gosselin's #1 Fan
Gambling Tips from a Mormon
The Dumbest Thing You'll Read All Day
Mark's Myocardial Infarction

Lady's Love Lower Back Hair

Current events.
Caradine's School of Knots
Michael's Prescription List
Team Edward
Joe Simpson's School for Fathers

Pujol's Poohole

Purple Jesus Will Save Us

Places.
1J Everyday
Trojan Fail
Cosmopolitan Coon Rapids
Anoka's A-Hole

What do you think? Did I miss any obvious ones? Give me your suggestions in the comments.

The Beginning of the End 9:00 PM

I've been cramping "The First Lady's" blog for some time with my random ramblings, phallic humor and embarrassing stories, so I decided to launch my own blog. I plan on being an active blogger on here since I don't have another team member to pick up my slack. I realize that most of the people who read this blog are people whose own blogs are used to keep up with family and friends or as a journal to be kept for posterity. This is not one of those blogs. As a matter of fact, I kind of hope my posterity never sees this.


Why I blog.
If you've read any of my past blog posts here, you've probably noticed that I write with a sick lack of self awareness. I blog to entertain. Occasionally I post something that is just for me, but usually I write so that others can be entertained. Ask Mel and she will tell you that I am a huge attention whore constantly checking the traffic counter and seeing if anyone left a comment after I post something. I hope that you enjoy this new adventure. I will try to be entertaining, offensive and brutally honest in this blog, so please enjoy and leave a comment every once in a while.


What you can expect.
Nothing, what do you think this is Burger King. The plan is for this little site to be a place for my random thoughts, dirty jokes, stories from my youth, political rants, favorite links, my views on modern entertainment and pictures of my belly. This will not be a journal or quick little updates about my life. I suck at Facebook and I don't tweet because I don't think anyone really cares about my most recent bowel movement or what I thought about So You Think You Can Dance. I would love to write a little about work, but regulations will probably keep me from doing so.


Why you should come back.
If you've ever been aroused by an auto accident, blown something up, tortured animals, laughed at a dirty joke, eaten a whole bag of Cheetos in one sitting or embarrassed your family and friends in a very public forum then you will probably be an avid reader of this blog (there's even a follower tool on the sidebar). I don't promise to update regularly, be funny or try to make sense, but I will try to be entertaining. So please, update your reader and come give the old caveman a little love every once in a while.